he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
