Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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