i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
