i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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