What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
