You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
