:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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