i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
