We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
