Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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