i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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