Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
