Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
