wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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