In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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