It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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