32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
