Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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