And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
