i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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