If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
