It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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