In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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