So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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