He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
