after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
