Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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