ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize