I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
