brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize