I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
