i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize