the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize