shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
