i need an iv and a liver transplant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
