am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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