do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
