Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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