i think my mom watched the whole time
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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