yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
