Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
