Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
