Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
