She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
