party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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