The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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