Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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