looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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