I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's shark week go big or go home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
