dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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