Plan B is the new Plan A
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
