Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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