My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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