I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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