gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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