he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
