How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
