Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
