Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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