So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
