oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
