I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
