someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
