Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
where are you?
Hypothermia
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize