I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
