You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You work out of a Hotel?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
